I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
