8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
