Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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