it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
