Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
