when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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