Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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