I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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