I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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