I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
