...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
