It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
