You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
