Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
