I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
