This is not my ceiling
Yo dont text me then not text me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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