U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize