I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
