i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
