So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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