So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
