she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
