Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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