those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
