If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize