This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
