I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
