Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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