I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
