I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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