Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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