The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize