found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
