also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
