my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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