She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
