Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
