if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
