A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
