Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
