Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
