You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
And the cops told us we were all naked.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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