I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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