question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
