She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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