I just saw a hot homeless man
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
