I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
