I cannot find my penis.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
