She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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