Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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