my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
