Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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