Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
