Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
