He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
