..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
