We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
