we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
