I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
