I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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