Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
