How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
