have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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