what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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