Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
