you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
