I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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