VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
